Descent into Alzheimer's Disease

I suppose I should review last year’s resolutions and see how I faired. I have been mulling things over a bit before deciding on my 2004 list.

1. Lose weight. :-)
2. Set up a specific schedule for Bible Study and stick to it.
3. Get Mom settled into her new place.
4. Get a job.
5. Find a place to live.
6. Get a new cell phone plan.
7. Forgive the 4 people I am harboring ill feelings toward. I want to, I really do. Unforgiveness only hurts the one clinging to it!

1. Lose weight. :-) *sigh* Well, I haven’t made great strides in this area, but I DID go back on my diet in September. I had to switch to a low fat diet last month, per instructions from my doctor, but I am still dieting. When I made the resolution, I was thinking more along the lines of a gung-ho weight loss program and that at this time I would be much thinner.

One very bad circumstance is I have stopped my regular walking. After two years of walking, I have blown it. So much of my walking was done at the VA hospital and when I placed Mom, I wasn’t going there anymore. I planned to take up the slack in my own neighborhood or by mall walking, but it didn’t happen. I still walk, but it’s very sporadic.

I did well here. When Mom first moved, I went over every day and sometimes twice daily. I have certainly tried to be her advocate and continue to visit 4 times weekly and bring her home with me on Saturdays. 1 point.

I got a new plan and now plan to get another new plan when my contract is up. Have you ever seen such a hokey resolution? 1 point.

7. Forgive the 4 people I am harboring ill feelings toward. I want to, I really do. Unforgiveness only hurts the one clinging to it!

I am trying to remember the four people. If I can’t remember who two of them are, would that count for half a point? Heh.

I’m sure two of them must be my brother and sister. Although I want to forgive them, I don’t think I really have, deep in my heart. Emotions are very difficult when dealing with family members and those we love. I guess I need to keep working on this one.

One of the others might have been my mother and I do think I have finally been able to get beyond the past and to love her unabashedly. What a blessing to have these years with her, these experiences with her... time to love and heal. Time to forgive and to care. Time to see the reality of her deep and abiding love for me. Makes it seem very petty for me to have ever have held her personality quirks against her. It’s even wonderful to drag out of bed and go see her before work, especially when I don’t feel like it. It reminds me of all the care she gave her children when she didn’t always feel like it. I do thank God for each day we have together.

Oh yeah, another resolution I forgot to write was to go to the doctor for a complete physical, which I did. I think I deserve a bonus point.

So. 5 1/2. Not too shabby. I didn’t do well in two very important areas, though.

1. Lose weight. Heh. This time I mean it. This is the year. You’ll see!
2. Figure out my church issues and stay in the Bible more!
3. Keep a cleaner house.
4. Take Tana to be groomed on a regular schedule.
5. Send a (snail mail) card or letter to someone once a month for the entire year.
6. Work more overtime.
7. Get married. [Okay, that was a joke. Do I have to have another real one?]
Ummmm. I need an easy one. Okay! I’ve got it! Wax my car at least twice this year.

On a side note I am very pleased to say that Mom is already back to her normal self! I was shocked and amazed when I was with her today. She was laughing and talking and definitely NOT a zombie. When I was walking with her, she even grabbed my behind and we both started laughing. This time I wasn’t annoyed. This time I was so happy that she did it! I was very frightened that I was not going to get my old Mom back again.

It’s true she has Alzheimer’s and she doesn’t understand much anymore, but her face lights up when she sees me and she smiles and laughs and hugs and kisses and the thought of losing these last little bits of affection we share are very sobering.

The other day, a couple of days before her ‘episodes’, I had brought her a new doll. I slid in the bed beside her and handed her the doll. She was smiling and kissing the doll, saying, “That’s my baby.” Then she looked over at me, clinging to her side, and said, “You’re my baby, too!” Then she started stroking my cheek.

Job 14:14 If a man die, shall he live again? all the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.