Descent into Alzheimer's Disease

Recently I read a letter someone wrote in which they stated it was better to put loved ones with Alzheimer’s Disease into some sort of a facility than to keep them at home. The same person later made a comment about how the loved one would not want us to ‘give up our life’ for them. These kind of statements have given me some food for thought over recent months.

First of all, suggesting it’s better for someone to be in a facility than living with family members is quite a stretch (except, of course for those folks who are so sick and debilitated they need professional care). For some reason this type of thinking reminds me of back when my Mom was having her children. It was quite prevalent in those times for doctors to tell young mothers that baby formula was better than breast milk for their newborns.

Well meaning friends have said to me that they admire me for ‘giving up my life to care for Mom’ or ‘putting my life on hold’. I have come to realize that I have neither given up my life, nor put it on hold. This IS my life. Does our day to day journey only count if we are living unto ourselves, doing whatever is pleasant or fulfilling to us? If we consider another’s needs or live a somewhat sacrificial lifestyle, does that mean we don’t have a life? I suspect that going through life taking our God-given responsibilities seriously results in a much fuller life.

Homeschooling one’s children is most definitely a huge undertaking. It would have been ever so much easier for me to send them off to school and hope for the best. Then my days could have been spent pursuing a career. I could have had a more interesting social life and adults to talk with all day. Does that mean I gave up my life for my kids? To me it means I accepted the responsibility for teaching/raising them. Was it fun? To be honest, it was at times; but there were many occasions when it was quite the opposite. I guess the bottom line is I was never doing it because I thought it would be fun or fulfilling to me.

I never thought caring for Mom was gonna be fun, either. In fact, I knew it would probably be terrible most of the time. I’m doing it because she is my Mom and she needs help. I don’t want to take care of someone with AD anymore than she wants to be thusly afflicted. This is not the path I would have chosen. However, when I look back over my life, homeschooling/raising my sons in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and taking care of my Mom are probably the two most valuable things I have done or will ever do. These are worthy, important jobs. I can’t imagine that if I had lived only for pleasure or my own desires I would be a happier person today.

In all likelihood, Mom will have to go live in a facility at some point. Actually, she is already very difficult to handle and I don’t know how much longer I will last. She is uncooperative more than half of the time and certain things are becoming next to impossible (administering meds, changing her clothes, and bathing). I have made a commitment to take care of her as long as I can. We are somehow trudging along together, taking things a day at a time. Even though I probably won’t be able to care for her until the end, I am happy I could help her stay at home for a few extra years.

The world’s philosophy teaches us, “If it feels good do it.” “Look out for number one.” “Eat, drink, and be merry.” Worldly success is measured by our clothes, our level of education, our job titles, and our paychecks. Strange that so many ‘successful’ people are empty inside and so many ‘unsuccessful’ folks have a peace and a joy that survive all the hardships heaped upon them. I wonder if it’s possible that the whole ‘live unto yourself, make as much money as possible, be a successful person at all costs’ philosophy is a lie?

1 Timothy 5:4 But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.