Descent into Alzheimer's Disease

I glanced up into the mirror as I brushed my teeth and was alarmed by my reflection. I looked like Jack Nicholson in The Shining after he had gone insane. It must have been two weeks since I have put any make-up on. Okay, time to check myself and get a grip. My ‘woe is me I can’t go on’ pity party is over.... for now. I can be such a baby! How embarrassing!

I have not been able to get in touch with Dr. Trinkle and I am quite irritated. When I first tried to call him, his phone rang and rang with no answer. Called the main office to make sure I was dialing the right number and was informed that lots of people were making the same complaint. I assumed his phone was out of order, but was able to get an answer later on that day. His nurse said he would call me back that day, so I stayed by the phone until 7 P.M. with no call. He called the next day when I was away (of course), and when I tried to return his call, I got the nonstop ringing again. It seems pretty obvious to me that his phone is not out of order, but they are turning off the ringer. This is very hard to believe because he is a geriatric psychiatrist and emergencies are not uncommon with the mentally ill. Rather than continue this game of phone tag, I wrote him a letter which I intended to deliver personally on Monday. However, my printer suddenly quit working. I guess that is the Lord saving me from myself, since my exasperation is probably obvious in my correspondence.

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I have seen a couple of movies lately dealing with mother/child relationships and found them both quite touching.

Friday Carole and I went to see Riding in Cars With Boys and we really enjoyed it. The two relationships that struck me the most were the mother/son relationship and that same mother’s relationship with her father. Her father seemed unable to forgive her for falling short of perfection. She had a baby at fifteen and subsequently blamed him (the baby) for everything that went wrong in her life. As life erupts to the boiling point, we find in the end that her father does love and forgive her, after all. During an explosive argument with her son she admits that he didn’t ruin her life; that he was the one that had made her life worth living. *sob sob* At one point in the movie, the mother told her son, “I’m your mom and you’re not allowed to stay mad at me!” I think that’s a good rule.

I also rented Anywhere But Here which portrayed a single mother/daughter relationship through the teen years. The daughter was a great kid who seemed to have it all together, but the mom was rather eccentric, shall we say (okay, she was a nut). The mom kept doing things that were ruining the daughter’s life, but at the same time they were very close and it was obvious the child loved her mother. I, too, loved the mom in spite of her problems. The movie was a lesson in loving people just like they are, accepting people’s faults... or if not accepting, then overlooking them. In the end, the mom saw the error of her ways and let go of her daughter in a completely selfless way.

Seeing these movies makes me think about my own relationship with my mother and my relationship with my sons. My real struggle seems to be in coming to terms with my relationship with my mother. Will I ever forgive her for her inadequacies? I have thought I did so many times, just to have all the old feelings come tumbling back again. I want to forgive her and love her and believe that she did the best she knew how. Actually, that phrase is so overused, ‘she did the best she knew how’. Do any of us really always do our best? I think not. She did what she did, and she did lots of things right. Lord, help me to let go of the past and to love unconditionally.

My relationship with Chris is such a joy. Rarely a day passes that we don’t sit and talk and laugh. Besides the fact that he is a comedian, he has no qualms about sharing things with me that most kids don’t talk to their mom about. I walk the line carefully, not wanting to scare him away, but also unwilling to become his friend instead of his mother. Our relationship is a precious combination of devoted love and acceptance.

I never dreamed Josh and I would be so attached. We lost a couple of good years because of his rebellion and my computer addiction. We knocked heads so much, he was sure he could wear me down and I would give up on him. I didn’t give up and we both won in the end. Even before the Lord saved him at 18, he realized how much he loved me and was very grieved about all the defiance he had shown towards me. Now we talk on the phone at least a couple of times a week and are closer than ever. The Lord has been very merciful to my sons and me.

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Just for the record I want to note what is going on concerning the world right now. In response to the terrorist attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Centers on September 11, the US military started bombing in Afghanistan on October 7. We now have ground troops there as the fight continues. Estimates state that the fighting there will last throughout the winter and up to a year or more. Apparently we haven’t gotten to Osama Bin Laden.... YET. We will find him, but that won’t be the end.

I also need to mention the anthrax attacks going on. Eight people -- including one man who died -- have tested positive for anthrax infection since October 1, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and 32 others have tested positive for exposure to the bacteria. Anthrax has been mailed to ABC, CBS, NBC, media news offices, and to government officials in Washington DC. Mail handlers are being unavoidably victimized in the process. The number of cases seems to be escalating and I wonder when it will stop and what is next.

Deuteronomy 5:16 Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.