Descent into Alzheimer's Disease

The last week has been a roller coaster of emotional turmoil. I made a definite decision to place Mom in a facility, but then she was just as sweet as can be yesterday. No matter how bad it gets, there is always a better day coming and it’s very hard to know the right thing to do.

I finally heard back from the doctor’s office on Friday, after a long week of trying situations. Things had gotten so bad, that I had called and left a message asking them to put Mom in the hospital to adjust her meds on Thursday. Four BM accidents (well, they weren’t exactly accidents... episodes maybe) in one evening don’t mix well with my hormonal cycle raging. By the time I went to bed Thursday night I didn’t think it would be possible to make it through another day.

I kept her home from daycare on Friday, partly because of snow and partly because I thought the doctor was gonna rescue me. Well, he didn’t rescue me, but he did raise the dosage of Mom's antipsychotic. The last couple of days have been pretty calm and it seems silly that I could have been so desperate just a few days ago. However, I do know that things won’t stay tranquil for long and the best thing to do is proceed with my plans for placement.

That brings the next dilemma. Do I stay in Roanoke or move back to the beach? I would have stayed in Roanoke with no questions asked until I found out my siblings intend to kick us out of the house when I place Mom. Since Mom has the funds to pay for her facility, I thought I would live here so I could tend to her needs and spend more time with her. They are very anxious for me to get a different full time job. Of course, this will cause Mom to be alone most of the time, which is what I wanted to prevent.

At any rate, I will have to find a place to live. If I move Mom to the beach, she will be near my brother. That would make him happy. However, I’ll be taking her away from my sister and that will make her unhappy.

I’d be moving back to where my best friends in the world are, but leaving my son (at least for now). He doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend, but would probably move to the beach with me when/if they break up.

The traffic in Roanoke is much lighter, which is more appealing.

Housing is cheaper in Roanoke.

No ocean in Roanoke, though.

My true church family is at the beach.

*I* would live at the beach if I had no one to consider but myself.

Tana is going to present a problem. Not only is it harder to find a place to rent when you have an animal, she howls when left alone. If I’m in an apartment building, howling is not gonna be well received.

I have been in touch with my *chosen* facilities here and at the beach and they both have an opening, although the lady from the one here has never returned my call from Friday morning. I like the facility at the beach much better.

I really truly want to do whatever the Lord would have me do. If that means staying here, I have no problem at all with that. If it means moving to the beach, that’s fine, too. One day I’ll be almost positive that I’m moving back to the beach. A couple of days later, I will have resigned myself to staying in Roanoke. There I am on that roller coaster again.

Who knows, if Mom stays cooperative, maybe I will just continue on.

Oh no, I’m right back where I started! Maybe this is a merry-go-round instead of a roller coaster. May I have some cotton candy please? And a tutti fruiti snow cone .

Psalm 119:19 ¶ I am a stranger in the earth: hide not thy commandments from me.