April 20, 2002
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Because I am once again unable to upload to my website since April 13, I have been unmotivated in updating my journal. PeoplePC really has an amusing tech support system. If you send them an email inquiry, you’re told to call the support line. If you call the support line, you’re on hold literally for hours. It makes no sense to sit on hold for two hours, knowing the most you’ll be told is, “We’re working through some technical problems and will have it fixed ASAP.” So, I open my FTP software daily to be rebuffed by PeoplePC. ------------------------------------------------------------ After visiting some local Alzheimer’s facilities and then speaking with my brother, I have come to the conclusion that I must have been out of my mind to consider placing Mom. This is most likely a step I won’t take until there is no other alternative. My brother was concerned about the cost, which is huge. While that is a concern for me also, it’s the thoughts of taking her out of her home and leaving her in a strange place that deter me. Well, the thoughts of how that will make her feel. The thoughts that she might not laugh and be happy anymore. Thoughts about how comfortable she is in her home and how she always wants to be here. I just can’t take that away from her. I did talk to a nurse from Dr. Trinkle’s office. He has once again increased the dosage of her Seroquel. I told the nurse I didn’t think it would help, but she thinks it might. I’m willing to try anything, so I am following the new directions. She said to call them back if it doesn’t help in a week or so. She was very sympathetic and that alone was a great comfort. Maybe all I need is for someone to hear me. Last night as I snuggled my face next to Mom’s and she responded lovingly, I realized I wasn’t showing her as much affection lately. As she has been withdrawing from me, I have allowed it. Or perhaps worse than allowing it, I welcomed it. When she ignores me and sits in the other room, she releases me from the obligation of being with her. Maybe she ignores me because she feels I don’t want to be with her. No matter how much she withdraws, sooner or later her perky side comes bubbling out and we’re laughing and acting silly once more.
Romans 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience... . |
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