August 24, 2001
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Yesterday I had a bit of an unpleasant exchange with my sister. I really wish I could get past the chip on my shoulder. While my sister was awful to me for the first couple of years after I moved here to care for Mom; now she treats me just fine. She gives advice and encouragement and is generally pleasant to me. The desire of my heart is to forget about the past and move on. I don’t want roots of bitterness taking hold in my life. One hang up for me is that no matter how smoothly things are going on the surface, I am very aware that my sister has a very low opinion of me. So as soon as some offhand remark is made, I immediately become defensive. Here’s a typical conversation. “You’re a lowlife and you’ll always be a lowlife. Nothing you say or do will ever change my mind” “No, no! I’m a good person! Honest, I am! Love me, love me, love me! “You’re a mooch who takes advantage of everyone around you. You’re dreadful, appalling, abominable!” “No, I’m really nice! Give me a chance! Love me! You must love me! “I will never love you or think highly of you and whatever the facts are is of no importance. I have decided what I’m going to believe and explaining reality to me over and over is a waste of time.” Okay, so those aren’t the actual words we use. But they may as well be. Why can’t I just get past it? My sister thinks I’m a slug.... so what. I certainly don’t hold her in the highest regard, either. Like I said, we have been getting along fine for quite a while if you discount a few little laspses. If I had truly forgiven her, I would not be so easily upset. The truth is all three of us siblings are very different from one another. We should just accept each other’s flaws and contrasts and live life. Which IS what we normally do. *sigh* ---------------------------- Mom has been giving me a hard time about taking her meds at night. Last night we had a bad scene. I was trying to get her ready for bed. “Mom, sit up a minute and take your medicine.” “You take it.” “Here ya go, sweetie.” “You better get out of my house!” “Mom, please just sit up for a minute.” “This is my house!” “Come on, it’ll only take a second and you can lie right back down.” Mom stands up and shoves me, yelling something, I don’t even know what because I was busy tossing the cup of water into her hair. Can you believe I did such a thing? That really made her mad and brought a torrent of swearing. I was yelling back asking why she couldn’t just cooperate once in a while. Then I left her alone with her anger and went upstairs. An hour later I tried again. “Mom, sit up a minute.” “I don’t want that.” “Come on, here ya go... sit up.” Mom sits up grumbling and takes the medicine. I lean down to kiss her head and she grabs me and laughs. Her hair is still a bit damp on the side. It was only about a half of juice glass of water, but if I would have been holding a mop bucket, what then? She doesn’t remember a thing about what happened, but I’ll always remember it. Tonight she responded with the same obstinance when it was time to go to bed. I put the pills away and tried to give her a hug goodnight. She was having none of that, so I said goodnight and went upstairs. Chris came home from work a few minutes later and she took them for him and let him put her glasses away. I went and got a massage today! What can I say? Yes, yes, more please! I might have to make that a regular outing. Carole and I had lunch and spent the afternoon talking. I can tell her all about what a terrible person I am and she just laughs and tells me horrible things about herself so we can share in our wretchedness with less guilt. Two pitiful souls floundering along the path we now tread. Bound by our love for Christ and the undesired insight into the disease known as Alzheimer’s. Members of the club no one wants to join. -------------------------- Carole’s mom has been moved to a nursing home for therapy. So far, so good. I think insurance will pay for 100 days there. Hurry up and get well, Christine. Ephesians 4:31 - 32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. . |
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