September 12, 2003

I’ve finished my customer service stint and now I’m back in sales at work. I am sooo happy. With my new shift, sales is better than ever. We’re not as busy during the earlier hours and I get to leave in the middle of being slammed. It feels so good to be able to leave in the middle of all the hoopla.

My new supervisor is very nice. I also had no trouble getting right back into the rhythm and making my incentive the first week. Hopefully I’ll continue to improve my numbers and be able to get nice paychecks.

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I finally had someone come to look at my refrigerator today and he was able to fix the door so it will shut properly. I won’t need a new one after all. YAY!

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I have been so emotional lately. I just watched a movie with some sad parts and just sobbed and sobbed. It’s strange because I’ve always been a somewhat upbeat person, yet I have so much sorrow inside.

I can’t seem to escape from the past. It haunts me. It doesn’t take much to set me off. The movie had a part about friends not being friends anymore, so I thought about the best friend I had for years and years who lives right here in Roanoke, but our relationship is over. We haven’t spoken for over ten years and I know she wants to keep it that way. She was a wonderful friend and I miss her.

It’s not like I think about her all the time, but when I do think of her, it always makes me sad. A couple of years ago I saw her name listed on that Classmates web page where you can sign up to find old friends from high school. I cried just from looking at her name.

Of course, I’m not just crying about her. Whenever I start, it’s an invitation for my garden of sorrows to come pouring out of me so I can water it with my tears.

The main problem is having my eyes on myself instead of the Lord. Not to mention the fact that I have a great life. Funny how a person could have a home, children who love her, a job she likes, and even an adoring dog to drool over her, yet allow herself to become downhearted. It is indeed embarrassing for this child of the most high God to even admit to these kind of feelings. Especially a child who has been lovingly cared for year after year by this wonderful Lord.

Alas, I do allow myself these petty indulgences from time to time.

Word for the day: peri-menopause.

Revelation 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.